My Scoop

Ok, so here's my scoop....

It was 1999 and I was taking summer classes the summer before my senior year of college. It was July -- very hot and miserable. I had just come back from my morning class and I was just relaxing, watching some tv...pretty normal...except for the fact that I got up to use the bathroom 5 times in the past 30 minutes! I found it very strange because I hadn't had anything to drink for more than 3 hours. What the hell was up with my bladder?! I went up stairs to my room - I needed to lay down and just relax and calm my body down. Just as I rested my head on the pillow, I had an incredible urge to use the bathroom again! As I got up to go, I immediately felt an incredible sharp pain in my right side of the abdomen. It felt as though someone had stabbed me with a thousand knives! I knew there was something incredibly wrong with me.

I ran downstairs and yelled for my roomate to take me to the hospital..we got in the car and took off -- the hospital is about 15 minutes away, but it felt like an eternity to get there...every bump, turn, and stop light made my pain worse -- I was crying for help, screaming at the top of my lungs, hoping and praying my roomate would get me to the hospital. It was the worst 15 minutes of my life.

We finally show up at the ER and they didn't see me right away -- I had to wait an hour in the waiting room. I couldn't sit or stand, I was in so much pain. The nurse finally called my name and they hooked me up to all sorts of machines and started asking me questions...I don't remember much, but I believe I may have passed out from the excruciating pain. I do remember having an MRI done and the doctor telling me that I have a gallstone and that they will give me some vicadin to take home with me to ease the pain. They also told me that I will have to visit my primary physician in the next few days to take care of my gallstone.

Two hours later, I went home.

The next morning, I woke with an uneasy feeling...it must have been from all the pain killers and craziness I experienced the night before. I decided I should call my parents and let them know what happened. My Mom answers the phone and I told her how I went to the ER and they diagnosed me with having a gallstone...she reacted like any mother would and 2 hours later, my parents and my little brother came to pick me up from my apartment. They dropped everything and drove 100 miles to rescue me.

After we arrived at my parents house, my Mom made several phone calls to my Physician and other doctors in the area, demanding that they see me right away. Finally, my doctor agreed and we went in to see her.

Dr. May did an ultrasound and asked me a bunch of questions about the pain I had felt and where it was located on my abdomen. She had this concern look on her face and immediately called another doctor -- she told me that I would need to see this other doctor for a second opinion and that I would need to get a more comprehensive ultrasound/x-ray done. So, my parents and I drove 20 miles to see the other doctor. Once I got there, they immediately saw me and put all sorts of probes/devices in me so they can clearly see what was going on in my abdomen. Now, during this time it's important to mention that I haven't had any of the pain medication all day and the pain was growing exponentially...I felt like I was going to explode!

Finally, someone said that they know what was going on with me...it wasn't a gallstone...I had an ovarian cyst that was sitting on top of an artery and it was filling up with blood pretty fast, thus growing in size -- causing my pain.

I was immediately whisked to another hospital downtown, where Dr. Grayson was going to perform surgery on me.

3 hours later, I'm feeling groggy and I'm being wheeled into the recovery room. While in transit, Dr. Grayson tells me, "We were able to get it out, but i have some bad news...we had to remove the ovary." I was very confused and terrified and as they are placing me on the bed, I noticed that there was a huge incision on my pelvic area and it hurt really, really, really BAD! Dr. Grayson went on to tell me that the cyst was 23 cm and it had completely damaged my right ovary, where he had no choice but to remove it completely. He said that he wanted to see if the left ovary was in good shape, but when he went to check, he couldn't find it!! He said that there was no sign of my left ovary!!! WTF?!!!

The next 4 days were complete HELL! I was in the hospital for 4 days -- I couldn't move; I had a catheter attached to my bladded (very painful); I had tremendous pain from the surgery; I had tubes sticking out of my arm and vaginal area. It was NOT pleasant at all! To top it off, I had first year Resident's making their rounds and poking me, asking me stupid questions...it was very irritating. I did not want to be there.

My Mom called my roomates and they came to visit me. It was nice to see them -- I was so sad and depressed. They were very sympathetic and helped me feel hopeful. My Uncle came to see me as well...in fact, he flew all the way from Texas to be there for me and my parents. Having friends and family with me helped me heal and allowed me to go home.

The recovery process was quite hard -- I had major surgery and the stitches were hurting everytime I laughed or coughed or even breathed. But what hurt the most was when I over heard my Mom talking about me -- saying that she's afraid I may not get married because I can never have any children. My heart just collapsed. I didn't have the strength to yell at her for saying something so incredibly insensitive and extremely stupid. How dare she say that about me!

I knew in my heart that I would get married someday and that I would have children...her stupid comment and my stupid surgery was NOT going to prevent me from fulfilling this.

The Inside Scoop

Why do Indians always feel like they need to comment about other married couples who don't have children yet? You will not believe how many times I've heard other aunties and uncles say:

"Oh, they must not be happy in their marriage."

"They are putting their career first instead of family."

"I can't believe they don't want children!"

Why do people assume, that just because you don't have children (yet) that it's because you don't want any? I've been married for a little over 3 years now and let me tell you...it is really hard having to dodge all the nosy aunties & uncles, neighbors, co-workers, and friends (who are really not your friends) when they ask -- "So, when are you and the hubby going to start having children?" I just smile and give them the same answer, "Well, we just got married a few years ago; there's still plenty of time." Well, time is running out and I can't keep giving them the same answer. What will I say next year and the year after that? Do I even need to say anything at all? Why am I resorting to lies when I'm asked that simple, yet powerful question? Am I afraid? Am I ashamed? To be honest, i have no idea.

There may come a time, when I'm 10 years into our marriage and people will stop asking...they'll have some sense as to what is going on, but will never dare to ask me about it. Instead, prayers will be held in our honor; suggestions to go to the temple and perform certain pujas will be spelled out to us. We will be asked to put everything in God and to accept that it is God's plan that we cannot have kids in this lifetime. I certainly do NOT want this to be my life.

I recently found out that I am capable of telling my story without shedding a single tear or blaming God for what had happened. I am blessed with a wonderful husband who understands what happened and is very supportive. Why should I keep things bottled up inside? I should tell my story -- here's the inside scoop...